Social Dynamics Invisible to People on the Autism Spectrum, Part 1: Social Blindness/Social Power
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Understanding Social Blindness in Autism Spectrum
Many individuals on the Autism Spectrum often experience a puzzling social phenomenon: when they offer ideas or suggestions, those contributions may be ignored, yet if another person—especially someone considered popular—makes the same suggestion, the group responds positively and engages with it. This discrepancy leads to confusion and frustration, as the logic behind such responses is not immediately clear.
The Challenge of Social Blindness
This issue highlights what is known as social blindness (SB), a characteristic sometimes associated with Autism Spectrum. Social blindness is comparable to color blindness in that it prevents individuals from perceiving certain social cues and nuances that neurotypical people recognize effortlessly. However, unlike color blindness, social blindness can be treated and even overcome.
People not on the Autism Spectrum may find it difficult to comprehend how those with SB cannot see or identify social dynamics as naturally as they do. To foster understanding, it is important to recognize that social blindness is real and not a matter of choice or intentional behavior. It is a daily challenge someone lives with, much like asthma, ulcerative colitis, or multiple sclerosis, and requires management for individuals to lead a typical life.
Individuals on the Autism Spectrum rarely enjoy their inability to pick up on social cues; for many, this is a significant source of pain. Responding with anger or hostility towards them or pushing them away from social situations when they demonstrate SB does not help; it exacerbates their distress, reinforces negative perceptions of others, and encourages avoidance and resentment. In the worst cases, individuals who experience SB can develop self-hatred, thinking that they are simply bad and that’s why they have difficulties with others, or they can develop intense hatred for other people, thinking that people in general are awful. Both of these outcomes can cause considerable problems for the individual and those around them.
Moving Forward: Teaching Social Power
Instead of frustration, a more productive approach is to directly educate people on the Autism Spectrum about Social Power.
What Is Social Power?
Social Power (SP), which is often synonymous with reputation, reflects the degree to which others value a person's status or presence. Human beings are inherently social creatures, and those not on the Autism Spectrum tend to unconsciously rank others based on factors such as wealth, attractiveness, social skills, intellectual abilities, age, and relationships. People with high Social Power are often granted privileges or exceptions that those with lower Social Power do not receive.
Social Power in Everyday Life
An illustrative example from my life of SP involves a high school friend who, after getting her hair done for prom, was pulled over for running a red light. She was emotional, fearing legal consequences and missing prom. When the police officer came to her door, she began to cry. Despite clearly being guilty of running the red light, she received only a warning. This outcome sparked discussions among my male friends and me about how their experience in a similar situation would likely differ, even (especially) if they reacted emotionally.
In this scenario, the friend's high Social Power, combined with a generous police officer, a clean driving record, and her appearance, contributed to the favorable outcome.
The Reality of Social Power Unfairness
It is crucial to recognize that Social Power is not fair. Individuals on the Autism Spectrum often hold strong convictions about fairness, finding unfairness extremely uncomfortable and distressing. Many have expressed that experiencing or witnessing unfair treatment is a major source of anger and frustration. Despite these feelings, unfairness, like Social Power, is a pervasive reality.
Unfairness is not unique to human society; it occurs in nature as well. For example, when a wolf eats a defenseless bunny or when larger birds push smaller ones aside for food, it is unfair. Yet, it remains an intrinsic part of life, much like gravity.
Strategies for Coping and Change
Helping those on the Spectrum distinguish between unfair situations that can be changed and those that cannot is beneficial. Lessons should be discussed in ways that make sense to the age and perspective of the person being taught. What we may say to a five year old would be very different (James and Lilly are good friends, and James and Lilly like to do things together even if other people want to do something different) than what we would say to someone who is fifteen. Individuals have the right and ability to advocate for change in areas they care about, striving to make the world more equitable. Additionally, self-care is vital when feelings of upset or anger arise in response to unfairness.
Demystifying Social Dynamics
Helping individuals on the Spectrum to recognize the existence of social dynamics, often invisible to them but obvious to others, can help clarify why people make certain choices and interact in specific ways that don’t seem to make sense if one experiences social blindness.
Factors Influencing Social Power
Social power is rooted in relationships; having more and stronger connections with others increases social power.
Emotional management is key; being able to control visible reactions to upsetting situations enhances social power.
Appearance matters; wearing clean clothes and maintaining good hygiene also boosts social power.
Being wealthy or having a powerful job increases social power.
Having good social skills, knowing how to make appropriate compliments, and acting appropriately in different situations is key to increasing social power.
Having expertise and experience in a subject or skill increases social power on issues related to that skill or subject.
All of these dynamics and skills can and should be taught to those who don’t notice them on their own. Individuals can be taught that different people have different priorities; some people care more about what someone who is good-looking says than others; some people care more about what someone who has graduated from a prestigious college or university thinks than about what someone who didn’t thinks; some people want to go along with the group to get along, even if the group is doing something risky, etc., but everyone has their own internal rules that help determine which people they listen to and which they don’t.
Resources for Increasing Social Power
Numerous books and online resources offer guidance on ways to build social power. When an aspect of social life is entirely invisible to someone, understanding their circumstances can be challenging. The encouraging news is that even if a topic is not naturally perceptible, it can still be learned.
When those who grasp these concepts share them with individuals on the Spectrum or others with social blindness, it fosters understanding and helps them become more successful in navigating social power.
Learning and Applying Social Power
Not understanding Social Power can cause significant pain. But despite its vast influence, Social Power is not magical or extraordinary; it is simply another tool for accomplishing goals. Many individuals on the Spectrum can absorb information quickly and deeply, which can be leveraged to learn about Social Power and its impact on their lives and those around them.
It can take time to learn, but once someone increases their social power, making a suggestion to a group and the group going along with it can be tremendously satisfying. Social Power is a key part of human existence, and experiencing SB does not mean someone should be excluded from understanding and using it like anyone else.
David Nathan, MBA, PsyD, LP
I offer ADHD and ASD testing in St. Paul, MN. I would love to help you or a loved one if you are seeking an ADHD or ASD evaluation. For more information, please call me at (651) 337-3944 or fill out my contact form.
Disclaimer:
This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number or the mental health crisis hotline listed in your local phone book. Use of this blog establishes your consent to the provisions of this disclaimer.
