Deadpool and Wolverine. and Shame. And ADHD.
Copyright Disney
Content warning: I will be discussing shame, negative emotions, including the existence of trauma and abuse, and the highest-grossing R-rated film of all time below.
There are some spoilers for Deadpool and Wolverine at the very end too.
Last time, I discussed one of my two favorite movies of 2024. Today, I want to discuss the second one and how it addresses one of the most dangerous emotions human beings can experience: shame.
Deadpool: The Wolverine was a hero in my world.
Wolverine: Yeah… Well, he ain’t [expletive] in mine.
Shame is very dangerous. Shame is the mental state in which an individual feels they are fundamentally less than, inferior to, or a bad or broken example of a human being. Shame is never a helpful emotion.
Shame Vs. Guilt
In psychology, guilt and shame are distinct concepts. Guilt, as opposed to shame, is a helpful emotion. For example, let’s say Logan is running errands. He can’t find a parking spot near where he needs to go. Even though he does not have a disability, he decides to park his trunk in a parking spot reserved for people with disabilities. After Logan is done grabbing milk from the store, he feels bad. He wonders if someone may have needed that spot and couldn’t use it because he parked there. He decides not to park in a reserved spot again. He does not feel he is a bad person, but he does feel bad about something he did. His choice does not align with his values, and his sense of guilt will help him act in ways that feel right to him going forward.
To be clear, when someone feels guilty, they still think they are a good person. They just recognize they did a bad thing. Guilt helps us be better versions of ourselves and better members of the communities in which we live.
That’s guilt. Guilt is constructive and useful.
Wolverine: Trust me, kid. I’m no hero.
Shame is different.
Shame is an extremely intense sense someone has about themselves that says they are fundamentally bad. Someone who experiences shame may recognize that they do good things, but they feel that they are fundamentally wrong. It is also a very common symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder and a common symptom of victims of abuse. I’ve talked to clients experiencing shame who say they feel broken, or flawed, or evil, or inferior, or unlovable, etc. Shame is never helpful. Shame is a very powerful emotion, and it results in a constant production of negative thoughts and feelings. These thoughts and feelings need an outlet, and our minds will either vent them towards other people or things as aggression, or they will be vented back towards the individuals themselves in the form of self-hatred, or both. Neither of these results addresses the source or sources of shame. Both make it impossible for an individual to live an enjoyable, fulfilling, successful life.
Deadpool: You were an X-Man. You were THE X-Man.
In last summer's Deadpool and Wolverine, two comic book heroes team up to save the world. As part of a complex plot, Deadpool recruits another hero, Wolverine, arguably the greatest member of a team of heroes called the X-Men, from a parallel universe to help him. Deadpool needs a Wolverine because the Wolverine in Deadpool’s universe passed away in a previous film. (The storyline in this movie is ridiculously complex. And unless you grew up reading X-Men comics in the late 1980s and early 1990s, like certain psychologists who will go nameless, you would probably not catch many of the jokes or appreciate many of the callbacks in the movie either. Despite the thin target market, Google AI reports Deadpool and Wolverine grossed over 1.3 billion at the box office, is the highest-grossing R-rated film of all time, and is the second-highest-grossing film of 2024. Nice.)
Paradox: This Wolverine let down his entire world.
It turns out that the version of Wolverine Deadpool finds to help him abandoned his X-Men teammates in an hour of need and engaged in some other destructive behavior years before the movie takes place. This has resulted in tremendous shame. This version of Wolverine both suffers from self-hatred and takes his anger out on others. Deadpool and Wolverine is a movie, and it’s made for entertainment, not education. Some aspects of how the movie portrays shame and treatment for it are not accurate. For example, in real life, shame doesn’t get healed in a day or two. However, some of what the movie portrays is relatively accurate.
Wolverine: Just once, I want to be the man Charles thought I was.
Sometimes movies get psychology kinda right
It is very difficult for people to recover from shame on their own. The intense symptoms make it hard for the individuals suffering from shame to feel differently about themselves.
The best treatments for shame involve helping the individual see themselves in a better, healthier, more compassionate, and more nuanced way. One that allows them to know there are other reasons why bad things happen besides it being all their fault. Treatment can help them understand that they made a mistake or mistakes, maybe even a big mistake or mistakes, that they regret, but that all people make mistakes, and those mistakes do not mean they are bad, broken people. They can learn and feel they are good people who did bad things and are good people, not horrible.
This process can happen through a therapeutic relationship with a trained mental health provider. Through working with the provider, a client can experience someone who cares about them and respects them even though they know the things the client feels ashamed of. 12-step and group therapy programs can also provide this experience. (I have heard it argued that 12-step programs are specifically designed to address and heal shame; this strikes me as entirely possible.)
Laura: You were always the wrong guy. Until you weren’t.
In Deadpool and Wolverine, Wolverine is surrounded by other characters who refuse to accept his deeply critical sense of himself. Even when he acknowledges what he has done, they regard him with respect and kindness. They see things in him that he does not see in himself. Eventually, through his interactions with them, he is able to see his positive qualities as well.
Wolverine: I am proud to wear this suit for the first time in my life. I am an X-Man. I am THE X-Man.
How does this tie into ADHD?
Good question. Many people with ADHD, especially those diagnosed later in life, have feelings of shame due to not being able to remember things, like names of people at a party or that they left the stove on. They often have difficulties sustaining their concentration. And it seems like everyone else around them has no problems doing any of these things. Over the course of my career, I have probably talked to hundreds of people who tell me they think they are stupid because of their ADHD symptoms.
For people like this, helping them understand their symptoms is not because they are stupid, broken, bad, or inferior but because their brain works in specific ways can be extremely helpful and healing. Many clients have told me that learning methods like using lists, post-it notes, and alarms on their phones have helped them be more successful. Still, the thing that changed their life the most after their ADHD diagnosis was that they finally had an explanation for why they had a hard time doing things other people did just fine.
Healing shame is one of the most fulfilling things a mental healthcare provider does. No one deserves to live with that condition. Help is out there. Talk to a doctor and get recommendations for care.
Deadpool: I made an educated wish!
The moment someone is able to let go of their shame will probably not line up with the moment we save the world. There probably won’t be an explosion that reveals their extraordinary chiseled abs, and it's really unlikely that a chorus singing Like A Pray will show up either. That’s the movies. But when it does happen, I guarantee it’ll be even more amazing than that.
David
David Nathan, MBA, PsyD, LP
I offer ADHD testing in St. Paul, MN. I would love to help you or a loved one if you are seeking an ADHD evaluation. For more information, please call me at (651) 337-3944.
Disclaimer:
This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number or the mental health crisis hotline listed in your local phone book. Use of this blog establishes your consent to the provisions of this disclaimer.
