The Wicked Way to A Better Life

Copyright Universal Pictures

Warning: This blog post contains some spoilers for the story of Wicked.   And it may improve your life.

Popular

This holiday season, the music of my home became dominated by my 12-year-old daughters playing the Wicked soundtrack.  Ms. Taylor Swift, you finally have competition.  My girls love Elphaba and Glinda. If you are unfamiliar with the book/musical/now major motion picture Wicked, it’s a complex story set in the world of The Wizard of Oz before and during the events of the movie 1939 film.  The part of the story my girls focus on is the relationship between the main characters, two college roommates, who, on the surface, could not be more different.

Glinda cares very much about what people think of her and is very good at charming everyone around her.   She also cares about issues beyond her social status, such as having a just and fair world, but she is bad at actually acting in ways that move that forward.

Elphaba is very interested in making the world a fairer and more just place, and she is very good at pushing towards that goal. However, although she would like other people to like her, her social skills are lacking.  

Green/pink

There is an area of psychology called personality theory.  Research has shown that people with very different kinds of personalities tend to do very well together.  The old saying “opposites attract” is supported by psychology research. 

For example, there are studies in which volunteers are first given personality tests. They are then put into pairs based on their test results; some pairs have very similar personalities, and sometimes individuals with very different personalities are paired together. The pairs are then given tasks, such as building a relatively complex model. 

What we find is amazing. The pairs with very different personalities tend to enjoy completing the task. They also do it more quickly and correctly than the volunteer pairs with nearly identical personalities. When asked if they would be willing to do these tasks again, partners with very different personalities tend to say they would be interested in doing an activity like this again. They often added that they and their partner had exchanged contact information and planned to spend time together soon.

On the other hand, in pairs with very similar personalities, not only is the task not done as quickly or as well, but the participants also tend to say they would not be interested in doing an activity like this again. They rarely indicated their interest in spending time with their partner again.

I consider these findings to be very powerful. They support the argument that humans benefit measurably from having people with different ideas and interests around them.  It seems to indicate that being around people different from us is inherently enjoyable and that it contributes to our being more successful and fulfilled in our individual lives. 

If We Hold On Together

Aristotle's statement comes up over and over in psychology: “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”  In this case, we can say that working together in pairs and groups of people from diverse backgrounds, such as Glenda and Elphaba, tends to improve their lives and those around them.  Dr. Margaret Mead discussed this conclusion in her work; “Never doubt that a small group of people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”   

—Wicked spoilers begin here—

There is another aspect of the story Wicked besides the relationship between Glinda and Elphaba; their relationship occurs in a society where hatred towards the other is rampant and growing. In the story, the Wizard of Oz actively promotes hatred and fear among the citizens of Oz, scapegoating the talking animals of Oz for the problems in society for no reason besides keeping himself in power.

Our world is more complex than the one in Wicked. There isn’t a single evil Wizard pulling the strings. Many people in different positions of power and influence in our world are arguably working hard to maintain their standing through unethical means.  Besides people, powerful computer algorithms work hard to make us afraid and upset and increase engagement on social media. But we also see messages in our society that people who are different from us are bad, dangerous, want to hurt us, and/or are to blame for all of the problems.

But just because we hear those messages does not mean we have to live by them.

Defying Gravity

For example, I was fortunate to meet Claire Haedike, now Dr. Claire Haedike, in grad school. She and her family and I became friends years ago; today, my daughters know her as Aunt Claire and her husband as Uncle Aaron.

Dr. Haedike and I studied and presented together many times in grad school. And not to brag (and I would be happy to hear what our professors say about this), we did well. 

My family and I are incredibly fortunate to have Dr. and Mr. Haedike in our lives.  I contacted them before publishing this and asked if they minded me writing what I did.  Their response:

Of course! You are writing all these nice, lovely things. We agree and we feel the same way. – Dr. Claire and Mr. Arron Haedike.

They are wonderful and amazing people. 

And.

And Aunt Claire and Uncle Aaron have very different views from mine.  We will never agree on some topics related to deeply held political and religious beliefs. 

And

And, Dr. and Mr. Haedike are deeply generous, brilliant, kind, compassionate, thoughtful, and hardworking people, and they make their community and the world a better place by being there.  Those are values we share.   Psychology research supports the idea that even when we are very different, human beings have more in common than we have differences. When my family and the Haedike’s get together, even when we disagree, we have wonderful, thoughtful, often humorous, and always memorable times.

My life and the lives of my family members are better because they are in it.

From personality theory, we know everyone is good at something, medium, and something and not good at some things.  But even if we are not good at something, we are often interested in it. When we spend time with people with very different views and perspectives, we get a chance to indulge in those parts of which we cannot get enough of on our own.  We know learning how to get along with people we deeply disagree with is a critical life skill.  It is important children and teens and adults learn how to do this.  I suspect that getting exposure to people very different from us helps us grow, become more resilient, and have richer lives.  When we are only around people just like us, I suspect we are at significant risk of becoming less resilient, stagnating, and having more simplistic lives.

For Good

If you are familiar with the story of Wicked, you know the story ends in discord.  At the end of the book (and the musical, and as of next year, the end of the movie), Glinda and Elphaba are not a team.  

But it is also clear that the end of the story is not the end of the story. 

I would like to imagine that in the end, after the end of the story told in Wicked, Glenda and Elphaba would reunite and lead Oz as a team.  The story makes it clear they are each the most qualified in their respective areas to do so. And together, they would do a great job. They balance each other out. Sometime they would absolutely drive each other nuts.  But most of the time, they would be great leaders. And they would be living their best lives.

Unlike Glinda and Elphaba, our stories, our lives, are not written by someone else. We can choose how we want to spend our time and energy. I hope the beginning of this new year is a time of reflection. I hope in the weeks and months, and years ahead, more Elphabas choose to spend more time with more Glindas and that more Glindas choose to spend more time with more Elphabas for the betterment of each. I hope that we can clearly see through those experiences that what we have in common is far greater than what we do not. And I hope we get to enjoy those things we cannot get on our own.

Epilogue

My daughters introduced me to the Wicked Rap on YouTube.  Its pretty good.  If you haven’t seen it, take a few seconds to enjoy it.

Happy New Year.

David Nathan, MBA, PsyD, LP
I offer ADHD testing in St. Paul, MN. I would love to help you or a loved one if you are seeking an ADHD evaluation. For more information, please call me at (651) 337-3944.

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